I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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