Princesses don't give blow jobs
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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