Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
