I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
