...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
