TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize