I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
