I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to wash the frat house off of me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
