She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
