you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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