I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
