also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
