I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
