i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
