I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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