just tell him i said nine months
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
