As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
