no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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