My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
