Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
