Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
