Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
cat food counts as protein by the way
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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