I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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