Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize