saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize