My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
