I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
