The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
