Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
