I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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