Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
