Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
two words...techno handjob
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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