I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
