She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So many bounce houses so little time
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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