Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
