Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
