your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
