how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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