I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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