I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
