She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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