Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
