R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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