I heard we made out
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
