I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
