I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
