Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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