can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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