he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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