just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
