you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
