she woke up with a sticky ear
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize