??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
