So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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