He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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