can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
