I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
