the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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