is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dicks are not precious.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
