I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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