Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have fence marks all over my body
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
