What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
