that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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