your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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