My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Drake has all the answers
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
