We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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